i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
