you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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