dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
