We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
