Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
