Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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