he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
