It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i drank out of a bidet.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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