I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
