I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
