put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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