i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
