I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
