SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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