she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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