I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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