I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
