SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize