Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
