Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
