WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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