Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
