And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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