Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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