You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
