you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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