You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
