Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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