where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
