we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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