My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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