I hate your face
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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