Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
