Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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