I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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