im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
