she looked like the before picture.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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