Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Randomize
