Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
