Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Don't make out with my wife yet
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
