I would go down on you faster than GM stock
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
