Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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