Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
