Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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