I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
