i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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