We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want nice things and good sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
