you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
where are my eyebrows?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize