my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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