Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
