I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
