So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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