At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
