Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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