I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
