good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
