Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my poor anus
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
