Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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