Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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