I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
