Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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