My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
