how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
