I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I FOUND THE LEGS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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