My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize