i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
