Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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