May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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