Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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