Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
that may or may not have been my penis.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
